It’s been almost two years since I’ve last posted so wanted to provide an update on how life is going.
Life in Australia
What originally was supposed to be a few months in Australia turned into over a year. Although we were optimistic that covid would get under control, the 180+ days of lockdown that actually happened was surreal. While we were lucky enough to find a big house in which to pass the time, having only 1 hour a day to go out, especially in the middle of winter and the news of covid rampaging through the world, made for a depressing environment. But one great perk of all that time in lockdown was how it contributed to Lyss and my relationship. Spending that much time together forces us to reveal so many things about ourselves that we don’t even know exist and while it’s not always nice or pretty, it gave us the opportunity to get to know each other on a level that I don’t think would otherwise be possible. Given that, we were able to create a stronger bond and build the trust necessary to have hard conversations about where we saw our futures heading, both as individuals and as a couple. Suffice it to say going through the experience while tough, enabled us to envision a future together that we could both be excited about and I’m grateful we had the opportunity to do so.
With all that said, only half our time in Australia was spent in lockdown, and we made the best of the other half. Between trips to Sydney, Jindabyne, Lyss’ family’s farm as well as spending time with Lyss’ family and friends, it was wonderful to not only see more of where Lyss came from but also understand the context of Lyss’ life. One of the struggles of an intercontinental relationship is the opportunity to get to know each party’s friends and family is so much harder, but the extended time in Australia meant that I got that chance which I’m glad for.
Beyond that I also gained perspective as to what living in Australia would be like. Australia is great country to live in and Melbourne as a city isn’t bad either, so I can definitely see the appeal of living there. But where I personally struggled was unsurprisingly with Lyss’ work and the societal expectations that came with it. Even though the majority of the time she worked at home remotely, that she was beholden to a nine to five schedule was something frustrated me to no end, especially to a job she didn’t enjoy. Having gotten used to living life on my own schedule over the last few years, that we couldn't holiday when we wanted or even spend a day in the park at a time that was convenient to us turned out to be a much bigger deal for me than I expected. Knowing that, we began planning for a life where we could be more independent again.
Life in Hong Kong
The first step to that, ironically was a move to where I grew up, Hong Kong. While Hong Kong would give us a different kind of societal pressure, given how much I got out of being around Lyss’ family and friends, we decided it would also be good for Lyss to understand the context of my life. I hadn’t seen my parents in a year and a half at this point, and knowing opportunities for traveling in and out of Hong Kong were limited, we decided six months was a good amount of time to achieve both ends.
Being in Hong Kong is always a bittersweet experience. On one hand, spending time with some of my best friends and parents only gets more difficult as time passes and so I’m glad this could happen, but on the other hand, it’s saddening to feel how year by year Hong Kong is changing mostly in a manner that I don’t resonate with. Between the domestic and international political situations, the societal challenges caused by wealth inequality and housing manipulation as well as the decaying economic infrastructure that once made Hong Kong a capital of the world, it became even more clear to me that Lyss and I could not set up our future here. Every time I come back to Hong Kong reminds me how much I dislike it and reinforced the need for Lyss and I to have a life where we could be flexible. While our parents on each side are still at a great age and health, that may not always be the case and so if we choose to not live near them, then having the freedom to visit whenever we want or need becomes an important consideration.
The best thing that came of these six months though was reconnecting with my sister. Years had passed since we last spoke but when we hung out things just seemed to fall into place again. The sibling relationship is an interesting one given it’s one of the few bonds that (in a good world at least) are for life. Jessica and I are in a lot of ways very different people and we joke that we probably wouldn’t hang out if it weren’t for the conditions of our birth, but I am thankful that we got the opportunity to spend time together again and hopefully will have more in the future as well.
Video Husky
A theme throughout both Australia and Hong Kong of course was Video Husky. Like most companies at the beginning of Covid, we lost 30%+ of our business overnight that meant letting a lot of people go which is never a great feeling. Going through that and navigating the subsequent 12 months taught me a lot about being a financially responsible businessperson and how important sustainability is to a business.
While I came out the other end a more mature entrepreneur, I was also a more dissatisfied, and slightly resentful one. The more Video Husky evolved and grew, the more it required me as the operator to be a certain way that went against some of my most natural tendencies. Come early 2021, I started working with Taylor Pearson and he helped me realize that I wanted certain things my life than Video Husky couldn’t offer me. Every business goes through phases and I suspect the next phase of Video Husky’s growth requires somebody who is excited to coach individuals in our team to their maximum potential, a role that I couldn’t play both through my lack of experience, but also because I still wanted to be a player on the court, even if it is in a different game. To continue in my current role at the time was not only unfair to my own development, but even more unfair to my team who care passionately about Video Husky and earned the right to a leader who was just as committed. With that in mind, most of 2021 was devoted to a transition to a new General Manager.
Age of Empires
Between the covid enforced lockdowns and my excitement for Video Husky winding down, I found myself playing more and more Age of Empires 2 (AOE2). The definitive edition released right before covid hit and by the time that I stopped playing in November 2021, I had logged 2000+ games (~1500 hours), not counting the time I spent watching professional streams and tournaments or practicing myself. Although hardly the most “productive” thing that a person could do, this period of time in my life helped me grasp three key discoveries about myself.
Playing versus Coaching: Where I see Myself for the Next 10 Years
I started playing AOE2 to pass time in lockdown. As I played more, I got better and AOE2 allowed me to express myself and feel the tangible improvement that Video Husky couldn’t offer. Where with Video Husky at best I was a team manager and coach who supported others and at worst an autocratic dictator who insisted on things being done his way. With AOE2, I was a player on the field making the plays and mistakes. The feeling of being the person on the line, at least at this point in life, excites me infinitely more than managing or coaching others.
Playing My Own Game at My Own Pace
Being the player on the field means opportunities for improvement and progress and so I started tracking and reviewing each game; finding the common patterns for where I was losing and even hired a coach to walk me through the weaknesses of my game. I dreamed of going pro, but for all my efforts, after a year of gaming it became brutally clear I wasn’t even close. Confronting that reality was jarring, but also relieving. Being a believer in the “I can do anything if I try hard enough camp” always provided me with the motivational ammunition to try harder, but also the emotional burden of being at fault if the expected results didn’t happen. Towards the end of my gaming journey, I started letting go of this belief. Learning to play at my own pace, whether in AOE2 or at life, has been difficult but rewarding. While a part of me will always want to improve and the temptation of comparing our rankings, money or life to others is always there, appreciating that there are other factors beyond our control at play has helped me accept that my effort isn’t the only thing that matters. Given that, I’m slowly learning to do things without the expectation of reward, whether that’s financially or merely an improvement in gaming rankings. It’s a strange burden to let go of, but well, it feels nice to play and do things lightheartedly.
How to Decide What Game to Play
Beyond just playing, I watched a lot of professional AOE2 which taught me a couple important lessons about the world. The first is if you told anybody even a decade ago that college dropouts could earn hundreds of thousands of dollars playing video games online, they’d have laughed you out of the house. Yet that’s the world we live in, and makes me question what other things will change by the time 2030s roll around. The second is the mentality these streamers have. Between Jan 1st, 2016 to Dec 31, 2021, T90Official streamed 5257 hours. That’s almost 3 hours every single day, the first three years of which there was very little viewership and money in the AOE2 scene. Hera, acknowledged as one of the best 3 players of the game since 2019, took the mentality of following his own path and doing what he loves by quitting AOE2 entirely to play League of Legends, even though that meant likely leaving millions of dollars on the table over the next few years because what mattered to him was the competitiveness of the game, not cash.
I can’t help by admire the courage and tenacity shown by both of these streamers. While I’m not a big believer in following your passion as an isolated piece of advice, I am sure the only way both were able to produce so much content was because they loved what they did and stayed true to their core motivations. Contrasting that with my approach to Video Husky where the core motivation was (and is?) passive income, it’s no surprise I’ve burned out in a few short years while they’re still going strong.
Having now seen it in action, for whatever project or endeavor I next work on, it has to be intrinsically motivated. While I’m not against earning as part of that project, I can appreciate now why and how the things I do to earn money matter more than earning itself. With that said, I have no idea what that looks like right now, so I suspect the next phase of life will be an exploratory one.